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A few reasons why I will probably never own an iPhone, and the one thing I like

December 2, 2009
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The iPhone has been out for a while now, and I still don’t want one.  Believe it.  It’s kind of like the Mac.  I understand if you work in graphic design or something, but why the hell would I pay $1200 for one of their laptops when I can get a perfectly good PC laptop for about $400?  I just doesn’t make sense to me.  Apple just wants too much money for their products.  I admit I own an iPod, but that is the first thing I’ve bought from that company since the Apple IIe.  

Ah, the good ol' days

I miss the days of Oregon Trail and Ultima.  But I digress, the iPhone just won’t work for me for several reasons.  Some of them are nature, some are opinion, and all are valid according to me.    

My genes

I’m a tall, handsome drink of water. (Hey, that’s what my wife says)  I’m 6’3″ and have big hands, and you know what than means…  I have big fingers.  This makes trying to type on a touch screen keyboard a pain in the ass.  My wife has a Blackberry with the little keyboard on it.  As small as it is, it’s still way easier to type mistake-free than on a screen keyboard like the one on the iPhone.  

It might as well be this big

No that I text all that much.  In fact, I hate texting.  But I have no choice except to bend to the trends of society because a lot of my friends do almost nothing but text.  I could call them and it goes to voicemail, but I text them and I get a reply in 30 seconds. 


I have Verizon currently and the service is remarkable.  AT&T, not so much.  And I’m speaking from experience.  I had AT&T before Verizon, and was thoroughly unimpressed with their customer service and coverage area. 

A common happenstance


What a deal 

OK, so let’s say I go to get an iPhone.  As a new customer at AT&T, I would get a two year contract and get an iPhone for the low price of $199.  What?  I haven’t paid for a phone in years, why would I pay $200 for this one?  On top of that, there is the required $30 per month data plan.  No plan, no iPhone.  So for the basic service (450 minutes, 200 messages, data plan) it’s $74.99 before taxes and other charges.  That’s more than twice what I pay now. 

Apps schmaps 

First of all, it’s applications.  It makes me want to slap the next person who tells me about the latest “app”.   Not to mention most of them are pointless and stupid.  And if you need an iPhone application to help you find where you parked your car, you need a frontal lobotomy as well. 

The "cow toss". You fling the cow off the screen. People seriously pay money for this crap.

The only good thing about applications is that there are quite a few people who were broke before the got their application available for the iPhone.  Now they’re rolling in dough.  I always miss the bandwagon.  I could have come up with something way better than the cow toss. 

TV and movies on a phone?  Seriously? 

I paid a lot of money for a fabulous LCD TV and theater system.  It’s awesome.  So why the hell would I want to watch anything on a 5″ screen with headphones.  I don’t even like watching things on my laptop.  

Sometimes size really does matter

And I certainly don’t need to have constant access to Youtube and things like that.  I have a laptop at home, that’s all I need.  I watch enough TV and videos at home, I don’t want it on the go. 

I already have an iPod 

I personally never understood the whole music on a phone thing.  Maybe if I were a college student and had a lot of down time before class.  But again it would come back to the fact that I already have an iPod.  It’s not like it’s so huge that I can’t carry it and my phone at the same time. 

Steve Jobs has enough damn money as it is

As I said before, I have an iPod.  I caved after realizing that no other company made an MP3 player anywhere close to the iPod.  It’s nice, but I hate that in order to download a song, it has to be off iTunes.  

It might as well be his license to print money

There has to be some antitrust law being broken there. 

And now the one thing I like…  Google voice 

This technology amazes me.  A friend of mine had it and said you could say anything into it and it would search for it.  I thought of something to try to throw off the phone, so I told it to search for Snuffleupagus.  

This showed up in about 2 seconds

I figured it would come back with a “did you mean….”‘, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t bring up a picture of Snuffleupagus.  Amazing.  But still not nearly enough for me to get an iPhone.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. tony permalink
    December 2, 2009 7:32 pm

    But if I had an iPhone I could get instant notification of updates to AllThingsMundane and respond to them instantly–even while I’m taking a dump in the middle of the rain forest…

  2. December 3, 2009 12:28 pm

    you loved that Google Voice thing and I’ve used it since to find more great terms like “Boston Steamer”, “the Tony Danza”, etc.

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