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Texas isn’t the only place that wants to execute you

October 28, 2009
tags: , ,

So recently Mark White, a former governor of Texas and strong supporter of the death penalty, came out and said that “There is a very strong case to be made for a review of our death penalty statutes and even look at the possibility of having life without parole so we don’t look up one day and determine that we as the State of Texas have executed someone who is in fact innocent.”  Well, it’s probably too late for that. 


96% were guilty. The other 4% were probably guilty of something

But a Texas governor questioning the death penalty?  What is this world coming to?  I personally support the death penalty in extreme cases as long as there is substantial proof.  There are some countries around the world that flip the switch for considerably less.

Central African Republic


Offenses punishable by death: charlatanism

Method of execution: Hanging

Charlatanism is defined as ” a confidence trick in order to obtain money, fame or other advantages via some form of pretense or deception”.  Think about all annoying pseudo celebrities and greedy con men we could get rid of with a law like this. 


Even in jail she'll still be famous for no reason

 Maybe we need to get this law on the next ballot. 

Americans affected: Bernie Madoff, Paris Hilton, Spencer & Heidi


Saudi Arabia


Offense punishable by death:  sexual misconduct

Method of execution: beheading by sword

This seems to leave a lot open to interpretation.  Of course, this is a middle eastern country, so sexual misconduct could mean that a woman could be hung for exposing her ankles.  In fact, there is currently a Saudi man who is in danger of being executed because he was bragging to some people about how many women he had slept with.  I’ll tell you one thing: there aren’t many sex tapes making the rounds in Riyadh. 


Bullets might just bounce off that caboose

Americans affected:  Paris Hilton (sensing a theme here?), Kim Kardashian, Bill Clinton




Offense punishable by death: verbal opposition to the government

Method of execution: hanging or firing squad

Syria simply laughs in the face of our 1st amendment rights.  If there was a picket line in front of the capitol building, there wouldn’t be suggestions to disperse or even tear gas.  They would just open fire for the fun of it. 


Do we even need a reason?

The lady who keeps trying to sue over Obama’s birth certificate wouldn’t just be tossed out of court, she would be tossed out of existence.

Americans affected:  Michael Moore, Rush Limbaugh




Offense punishable by death: secession

Method of execution: hanging

So basically, if your born in Cameroon you have to stay in Cameroon and love Cameroon.  If you go someplace that is not Cameroon and say bad things about Cameroon, the government of Cameroon will make sure you die if you ever return to Cameroon.  (I like saying Cameroon)


I'm totally British

Moral of the story: don’t go to another country and think that it’s better your country.

American affected:  Bobby Fischer, Gwyneth Paltrow




Offense punishable by death: embezzlement and fraud

Method of execution: firing squad

I wonder how much better our economy would be if this law was on the books. 

Shoot first and worry about restitution later

Shoot first and worry about restitution later

Harvard business school would probably go bankrupt because half of its wealthy alumni would be executed before they could have kids.  They can’t give scholarships to everybody.

Americans affected:  Kenneth Lay, Bernard Ebbers, Bernie Madoff, the entire board of directors at Enron, WorldCom, Adelphia, and Stanford Financial

So remember this next time you travel abroad.  Some guy is going to hit on a girl somewhere and find himself on the chopping block the next morning.  I say go to Canada.  They’ll take anyone.

One Comment leave one →
  1. October 28, 2009 12:14 pm

    I don’t know… Canada has some weird laws, too, eh?

    In British Columbia, it is illegal to kill a sasquatch.

    In Toronto you can’t drag a dead horse down Yonge St. on a Sunday.

    And in Alberta it is illegal to set fire to the wooden leg of a wooden legged man.

    They may not punish you with death, but they may just advise you to take off, eh.

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