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Unaffected by the economy, totally affected by stupidity (gazillionaires who blew their wad)

November 5, 2009

Ah, Nicolas Cage.  I loved you in Raising Arizona and, well, Raising Arizona.  You were a normal guy back then.  Those were the good ol’ days.  Since then you have made hundreds of millions of dollars… and now we all know you have spent about that much too.  You blame your manager, but I have great doubts that you were oblivious to all of this. 


He could go back to stealing babies

As a not-so-rich person, I just have to ask how that is possible.  Well, let’s do a quick tally on the bigger purchases:  A jet, a castle, 50+ cars, $1 million worth of comic books, several mansions reported to be haunted, supposedly authentic shrunken heads, king cobras and octopi as pets, and two islands.  Wait, two islands?  What’s wrong?  One not good enough?  And they say Hollywood has lost touch with the common folk.  Congratulations Nicolas Cage!  You put Montgomery Brewster to shame.


"Well played, Mr. Cage. You win."

Here are some other people who decided it was better to be broke.

Antoine Walker

Antoine Walker was a pretty good, but not great, basketball player.  Today, however, even the average players can make a ton of cash.  Walker made $110 million in just contract money over his career.  That doesn’t include endorsements and other side wages. 


Even Mark Madsen is flabbergasted

Today, he owes $4 million to creditors and is in trouble in Vegas for bouncing a sizeable check.  What the hell, dude?  Well, it probably didn’t help that he travelled around with 70 of his “friends” and kept 6 or more expensive vehicles at his 2nd home.  Because you never know when you may need them.

Kim Basinger

Basinger was one of the bigger stars in Hollywood in the late 80’s and early 90’s.  She tormented Bruce Willis in “Blind Date”, was all over a pre-plastic surgery disaster Mickey Rourke in “9 1/2 Weeks”, and cemented her star status as Vicki Vale in “Batman”.  So now she’s got enough money to buy an entire town.  What to do?  I know!!!  Buy an entire town.


"What, you think you own this town?" "Yes"

Basinger bought the town of Braselton, Georgia for $20 million.  You read that right.  She was planning on turning it into a tourist attraction.  Apparently, only her advisors know anyone would want to vacation in a small town in Georgia.  Not surprisingly, it didn’t work.  An $8 million judgement against her for breach of contract after pulling out of a movie sealed the deal.  She filed for bankruptcy shortly thereafter.

Mike Tyson

Oh, Iron Mike.  What happened?  I still vividly remember when I finally beat you in Punch-out. 


A momentous occasion in my life

Tyson earned almost a half billion dollars during his career.  Not bad for a guy who probably couldn’t pass an 8th grade math test at the time.  Maybe that’s why he spent money like there was no tomorrow.  Let’s see, lots of cars and houses, a $500,000 custom watch with diamond encrusted pornography images, tigers costing $12,000 per month to keep up.  Wait… what?  $12,000 a month?  We’re you feeding them bald eagle heads and faberge eggs?  Oh yeah, that tattoo also.


Sure, lots of people have tribal tattoos. But how many do you know that have it on their face? That's what I thought.

Of course, we can’t forget the rape conviction.  That probably lowered his marketability.  Along with losing in one of the biggest boxing upsets ever.  Tyson declared bankruptcy in 2003 because he owed over $10 million to the IRS.

M.C. Hammer

The poster boy for ridiculous wastes of money.  Hammer made $50 million or so over a three year span in the early 90’s.  Think of all the things that could buy.  Done yet?  Ok, whatever you thought of, he bought two of them.  This guy paved the way for out of control marketing of products.  You know that feeling of wanting to puke from all the Miley Cyrus and High School Musical stuff that’s out there?  You owe it all to Hammer.


Hammer time!!!

He earned that money from record sales, concerts, action figures, lunch boxes, Saturday morning cartoons, etc.  With that money he employed over 200 people with a payroll of almost $7 million per year.  Sure, he had advisors (not very good ones), accountants (not very good ones), managers, and the like.  But he also hired friends to be part of his entourage for the tidy sum of up to $5,000 per month.  Turtle didn’t even get that kind of dough until he hooked up with Jamie Lynn.  Anyhoo, he burned through it all and filed for bankruptcy in 1997.

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