WTF Amazon?

I have done several WTF? posts since I started this blog and they have all been very popular.  I’m always looking for new places that sell crazy things.  While I’m sure an Ebay and Etsy follow-up are in order, I decided to try Amazon.com to see what they may have in the strange and unusual.  I was kind of surprised with how much material I came up with.

Nose shower gel dispenser

Price: $19.99

Nothing says clean like getting your soap out of a giant nostril.  Extra points if the soap is green.

Blackface bottle opener

Price: $6.99

Sometimes it amazes me what people still  find appropriate.  Who the hell was at this company and said “That looks good and I think everyone will love it.  Go with it.”

The avenging Narwhal

Price: $11.75

I had no idea that Narwhals were so violent.  I mean, I know they have the horn on their snout and all, but do they frequently spear penguins and baby seals?  I thought only the Inuits did that.

Uranium ore

Price: $29.95

Yep, you read that right.  Authentic radioactive uranium ore.  It says that it’s for testing Geiger counters.  Here’s my question: How many people actually own Geiger counters?  I suppose as 2012 approaches and the hysteria gets more intense, more and more people will keep them under their mattresses.  Of course, we all know the earth is not going to end in 2012.  Remember my reasons?

The Hillary nutcracker

Price: $11.49

I always thought Hillary might be a nutcracker.  Now I know.

3 wolf moon

Price: $9.95

You know I couldn’t leave this out.  Afer all, Amazon is where the whole thing started.  Besides, I have to plug my friend Megan’s Youtube video every chance I get.  She’s in all her Pocahontas glory.

How to Avoid Huge Ships

Price: $89.95

I could sum up this $90 book in four words: keep your eyes open.

Kheper Games Ltd. Got Frustration?

Price: $3.99

I’ve heard of stress balls, but this is a little over the edge.  These blue balls must be geared towards women.  If I was stressed out, squeezing this would make it worse because I’d be squirming in my chair.

Liquid ASS fart spray

 

Price: $15.90 for 4 bottles

The description for this product says “The next time you have the urge for a funny prank or if you just need to get the party started, reach for a bottle of Liquid ASS.”  How funny!  I was just thinking about the best way to get lots of people to my parties, and having my place smell like “genuine, foul buttcrack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo”  was at the top of my list.  Thanks Liquid ASS.

The Surrendered Wife: A Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace

 

Price: $11.90

This book tells women that they need to “overcome the desire to have more power, and abandon the myth of equality.”  JACKPOT!  Finally someone who sees it my way.  This is going straight to the top of the list of things I’m getting my wife for Christmas.  That being said, if I mysteriously disappear shortly thereafter, you’ll probably find what’s left of me in a shallow grave somewhere in the high desert.