Twilight is awful (someone had to say it)
This Twilight crap is everywhere and I just can’t keep my mouth shut anymore. (Like that’s ever been a problem) We go to Target a lot on the weekend. This past Sunday, I almost had to leave early because I was getting ready to lose it. There wasn’t just a couple pieces of Twilight paraphernalia, they had full sections filled with it. They’re putting the mugs of the kids in the film on EVERYTHING. Harry Potter mania wasn’t nearly this bad, or annoying. I even heard a new term today thanks to E!. They called the Twilight kids “glampires”. Bruuugh. (Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little)
Now don’t get me wrong, I like that there is something to get kids and teens reading. That’s great, even though the books are poorly written. And most Twilight fans are normal about it, but some are just plain out of their effen’ minds. Now with the new movie coming out, they are saturating everything with Twilight stuff. It makes me want to tear my eyes out. And just because you like a movie doesn’t mean you have to advertise it every time you walk out of the house. I love the Bourne series, but you don’t see me walking around beating the brains out of anybody who might be against me. (And I ‘ve totally seen the self-defense episode of BH 90210. NO! NO! NO!) So let’s look at why I think this whole twilight mania is stupid:
I’m ugly because I choose to be
Let’s start with the most disturbing trend surrounding this fad: the whole emo goth look. Let me clarify here, the goth look has been around for quite a while. It never bothered me until recently. Mostly because the Twilight inspired pseudo goths are idiots. Seriously, how many things can you whine about. And stop it with the “why is everybody looking at me?” crap. They’re looking at you because you want them to look at you. It’s psychology 101. OK, I got that out of me. I feel better now. But seriously, look at this:
Are you weeping for the future? I am.
The Harry Potter craze was less annoying
Sure, Harry Potter also annoyed me slightly when it was huge, but not nearly as much as Twilight. The kids and teens would put on their capes and swing their wands around, but then they put it away when they go to the mall. These Twilight emo kids never take it off. They are more than happy to walk around in public with their awful hair and skinny jeans looking like storks with bad wigs.
Also, Harry Potter was just a kid trying to make it in school. None of the over the top soap opera you see in Twilight. I don’t know about you, but my teen years were much less dramatic. And if I was a teenager and thought I loved someone who may spontaneously kill me at any time, self-preservation takes over and I kick their ass to the curb. Then all these people say “But it’s true love”. Spare me. If I want to see a movie about true love, I’ll watch Princess Bride.
Lost Boys had better vampires
There is no vampire movie ever as good as Lost Boys. How could you not love the Coreys kicking Jack Bauer’s ass. And these vampires have fun. They party, ride motorcycles, and do other stuff we would all be doing if we were immortal. If I hadn’t aged since 1918, as Eddie Cullen hasn’t in Twilight, I would be partying it up and trying to have fun.
And seriously Edward Cullen, what self-respecting vampire doesn’t have fangs? Oh, that’s only in the movies, you say? Hey, jackass, this is a movie!!!
Why are the stars of Twilight considered “hearthtrobs”?
Every time I turn around, I see a picture of Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart. Neither one of these actors is a knockout. Let’s start with Robert.
When did America decide this is to die for? I must have been sleeping. And how much Aquanet does he use? If you’re a smoker, don’t flick your Bic anywhere near this dude. You’ll be left without eyebrows. He was much more fun as Cedric in the Harry Potter movies. And what is this whole thing with covering everyone in glitter? I hate to tell you, but a turd covered in glitter is still a turd. Now on to Kristen Stewart.
OK, she was decent in Adventureland. And she’s a better actor than Robert Pattinson, but not by much, and equally as whiny. And she just isn’t what I would call a dream girl. Attractive? Yes. Ugly? No. Do you get what I’m trying to say? She’s a pretty girl, but not pretty enough for me to want to see her 18 times a day.
The Twilight marketing is out of control
How many things can you put the Twilight logo on? I thought we had seen a peak with Hannah Montana and High School Musical. But no, Twilight falls into the same category and those Disney crap factories. That’s right all you Twilight superfans, you are equal to Mickey Mouse. Let’s see a sample of what’s for sale.
How about Edward and Bella Barbie Dolls by Mattel. Why not?
I don’t know haw they convinced Mattel to go with this one. They’ve always been so protective of their Barbie line. And $30 for one of these dolls? That’s just blatant price gouging. I guess that means these will be out of a lot of parent’s price ranges and give their emo kids more to whine about. Damn you Mattel!!
Next, I thought about my WTF Etsy? post and decided to see what they have there.
I guess this is one of the taglines for the film. But who the hell is the lion? They’re all whiny kids. I think it would be better if it said “And so the whiny lamb fell in love with the other slightly less whiny, semi-attractive lamb.”
Moving on, how about a $21 water bottle…
…or the official Twilight man purse.
And last but not least… the super creepy “Edward Cullen is watching you sleep” wall decal. *shiver*
Kind of makes you want to take a shower.
The movies are not entertaining
The characters are unlikable and the plot is boring. And I could go on and on about the Bella character played by Kristen Stewart. All these girls who love Twilight are idolizing a shallow, submissive, and insecure character. Even worse, she continues to get more insecure and submissive as the series goes on. I already mentioned that she isn’t exactly Sophia Vergara, so I fail to see how she kind of becomes the hottie of her high school. And who gets excited when they find out some dude has been watching her sleep? That’s just plain creepy.
Congratulations, Stephenie Meyer, you created a character who sets feminism back further than I have.