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What was that about not judging a book by it’s cover?

October 22, 2009
tags: ,

There was a minor brouhaha the last couple of days over Rihanna’s new album cover. 

What, are we in the ’80’s again?  Remember Janet Jackson’s Rolling Stone cover? 

Where I wanted my hands circa 1993

People seem to be fine with that one now.  I can understand some people and their conservative views, but I say if you don’t like it then don’t buy it.  She’s wearing more than most of the models in the SI swimsuit edition, and I don’t hear uproars every year when that comes out.  And now there’s this whole thing about how it “shows that she is insecure” and how it “explains why she let Chris Brown abuse her”.  Put a sock in it.  That’s ridiculous.  Anyhoo, here are some other album covers that are unusual, funny, or just plain distasteful.

Millie Jackson, Back to the Sh*t (1990)

Worst Album Covers 45

Looking at this album cover, you would swear that Millie is related to the wacko Jackos.  But alas, she is not.  She’s just another singer trying to make a buck.  And nothing makes money faster than pictures of yourself dropping a deuce.

The Minister’s Quartet, Let Me Touch Him (1966)Worst Album Covers 75

Something tells me these guys aren’t booking  many birthday gigs these days.  And a quick search found no pending lawsuits.  It’s a good thing we weren’t such a litigious society in the ’60’s.

Pope Heathen Scum, Lady Killer (2008)

pope

Um… wow.  I would say I’m speechless, but we all know that never happens.   Obviously the Nation Organization for Women hasn’t seen this one yet, otherwise you know they would castrate this guy.  And who is the girl in the picture, you ask?  SHE’S IN THE BAND.  I think the thought process went something like this: 

Girl: So what should we put on the cover?

Pope Heathen: Cover?  What cover?  Shut up and get me a chicken pot pie and a  Natty Light!

Girl: You don’t appreciate me.

Pope Heathen: WHAT?

Girl: Nothing.

Pope Heathen: Why I oughtta… Wait. I have an idea for the cover.

I went to the website to see if it was some sort of sick joke.  It wasn’t.  And the worst part?  He is the leader of his own church.  It’s called the Church of El Duce and it could be the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.  And I’ve seen Glitter.

Pooh Man (MC Pooh), Funky As I Want To Be (1992) 

poohman

This looks like the result of someone who failed out of gynecology school and took up rapping.  And he probably faked out a lot of poor children who found out this wasn’t their favorite bear, and this guy was looking for a whole different kind of honey.   But apparently, he couldn’t find it right away.  As he says in a song titled… well, let’s just say it’s about oral sex:  “Oh bother, no honey in here.”  His lyrics, not mine.

 Paddy Roberts, Songs for Gay Dogs (1963)

paddyroberts

 I had to include this one just because it has a song called “Your Butt Makes Me Nuts”.  And I think I had a gay dog when I was a kid.

Man O’ War, Into Glory Ride (1983)

manowar

And into glory they rode.  I’d like to know what their groupies looked like.  And whether clubs and dragging by the hair was involved.

Boxer, Below the Belt (1975)

boxer

I get it, your name is Boxer and the guy is wearing a boxing glove.  But what the hell do you think is sexy about punching a woman in the baby maker?

Boned, Up at the Crack (2004)

boned

OK, I get this one too.  You guys are a metal band and you’re trying to subtly let the womenfolks know about your sexual prowess.  But when you have songs like “Let It Rise”, “Ain’t No Talkin’ With Your Mouth Full”, and “Tails Up Heads Down”, subtlety is moot.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. tony permalink
    October 22, 2009 12:49 pm

    so apparently you had to dust off your own personal music collection for this post?

    this gay dog you speak of. was his name po-po? i could see that.

    pooh-man = shaq

    • October 22, 2009 3:46 pm

      No, I didn’t. However, I could have included my Metallica “Metal Up Your Ass” EP. Remember that one?

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