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What seems to be the problem officer? 5 dumb traffic laws

October 13, 2009
tags: , ,

So the other day I was driving down the freeway and there was a Hearse next to me in the carpool lane.  The driver was alone.  So I wondered, what is the legalese regarding that situation?  Does the “passenger” in the back make it OK?  I know in California there was lawsuit not long ago from a woman trying to get out of ticket.  She claimed that, since she was 8 months pregnant, the unborn child was a passenger.  She lost.  (Bit of irony: if that same woman was killed during a carjacking a few minutes after the citation was issued, the perp would be charged with 2 counts of murder)  This leads me to believe that if the state doesn’t recognize a passenger that has yet to be born, they certainly wouldn’t recognize a passenger that is dead.  I searched for a vehicle code that applies to this, and while I didn’t find anything about a corpse in a car, I did find some interesting laws around the country.

California:  no vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour

Being a California resident, it sometimes seems to me that no car on the freeway has a driver.  They have phone talkers, texters, makeup artists, navi watchers, note takers, and idiots in general.  It seems to me that the roads wouldn’t be much more dangerous than if the cars were driving themselves.  But apparently, that would be illegal. 

California drivers pay this much attention to the road

California drivers pay this much attention to the road

The other thing about this is there must be a precedent somewhere.  Laws are generally made in response to something, right?  So sometime in recent history, a bumpkin went all Roadhouse and stuck a knife on the accelerator letting his car careen down the road to prove to Billy Bob that the car is smarter with him in it.  A brief search on Youtube found no video evidence of this.

Montana: it is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone

There are so many directions I could go with this one.  All obvious sheep jokes aside, I love that they also stereotype what kind of car the offenders have.  It doesn’t say car or vehicle, it says cab of your truck.  This law wasn’t directed at the non- sheep loving folks in town, this was a direct shot at the lonely Montana cowboy. 

We don't need a chaperone.  They're on the roof, not in the cab.

We don't need a chaperone. They're on the roof, not in the cab.

Now, about the chaperone.  Sheep a not known for their intelligence.  If they were put in the cab of a truck, they would probably just look around, bleat, and urinate on the seat.  The chaperone is there to make sure nobody misbehaves.  The sheep is too stupid to misbehave, that leaves the human.  And that is all assuming that the chaperone decides this “misbehaving” isn’t bad and wants to join in.  It’s a good thing that the douchebag who lives down the street from me with his lifted, custom Ed Hardy-esque painted truck doesn’t live in Montana.  He would be a three striker in that state for sure.

Tennessee: it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving vehicle

What?  Whoever wrote this law wasn’t too keen on geography.  Last time I checked, Tennessee is a landlocked state. 


 And I don’t think there are any Humpbacks migrating up the Big South Fork River.  And let’s just say, for argument sake, that you did manage to shoot a whale from your car.  Remember that spitball you got hit with during 6th grade history?  Unless you strap a howitzer to your hood, that is about the same effect it would have on the whale.

In Taiwan, they hunt whales in the streets

In Taiwan, they hunt whales in the street

 Tennesse is the Volunteer State.  Maybe they can get some volunteers to drag a whale into Nashville so that the locals can practice their drive-by skills.  If they can hit the broadside of a barn, they should be able to zero in on a 50 ton mammal.

Oregon:  a door on a car may not be left open longer than necessary

This one seems to leave a lot open to interpretation.  In know I see idiots all the time that leave their doors open forcing me to wait until oncoming traffic clears so I can pass.  But what measure determines the degree of necessity?  How do the authorities know you and all your frat buddies just got home from all-you-can-eat burrito night at Paco’s Taco Shack and the interior of the car is bad enough to require a 12 hour air-out?  I don’t know, but it seems like this one would be pretty easy to fight in court.  Of course, we’re talking about Oregon.  There is a distinct possibility that if you leave your door open for too long on a rural mountain highway outside of Madras, a curious juvenile sasquatch could decide to take your car for a joyride.Reason #129 why we need this law

Reason #127 we need this law

Reason #127 we need this law


Florida: if an elephant, goat or alligator is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle

You didn’t think I would forget Florida, did you?  Between there and Texas, it’s a virtual smorgasbord of ridiculous laws.  I don’t know when this one went into effect, but it was a probably a long time ago.  And it can only mean one thing:  people had way cooler parents back then.  I don’t remember an elephant being among the choices I had for the family pet. 

It's hard to find the correct change with no glove compartment

It's hard to find the correct change with no glove compartment

And whatever cop tries to put a ticket on an alligator deserves hazard pay.


I hope you enjoyed my first post.  Please let me know if you liked it.  More to come.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. tony permalink
    October 14, 2009 8:42 pm

    is there any law against pizza delivery jockeys schlepping pies down the road after pounding bacardi and promod coke?

    there shouldn’t be.

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